Yes, Virginia, There Is A Fifth Borough: The Staten Island Children's Museum

You thought I was going to forget about Staten Island, didn’t you? Although known as the “forgotten borough” and often mistaken for part of New Jersey, I would be remiss if I left out Staten Island, home to not only nearly half the cast of “Jersey Shore”--including Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino--but also to a children’s museum that is less expensive ($6 as opposed to $10), less crowded, and infinitely cooler than its Manhattan counterpart.

Start on the third floor in the Bugs and Other Insects exhibit, where kids can try on an exoskeleton, wend their way through a giant ant hill, watch bees in their hive, sort arthropods, and ogle over an emperor scorpion and tarantula.

Being a bug

The Ant Hill

Next, make your way around the corner to Charlie’s favorite exhibit, House About It. Children of all ages will delight in donning hardhats and neon orange vests, helping complete construction on a two-story frame house, operating a digger and wrecking ball, and bouncing up and down on a life-size level seesaw. This was probably my favorite exhibit, too, because there was no shortage of deep, wooden window seats where I could stretch out comfortably and check my email while the kids channeled their inner construction workers. (What? You didn’t think I played with my kids all the time, did you? My new favorite line, borrowed from a friend’s mother, is actually, “I’m your mother, not your playmate.”)

"Look, lady, the only thing I can guarantee is that it's going to take twice as long and cost twice as much. Capiche?"

Take a break in the museum’s Snack Zone, which has vending machines and a limited menu, but also allows you to bring in your own food. Then visit the Great Explorations exhibit where kids can trek through a rain forest, dive to the bottom of the ocean, build an igloo, and cross piranha-infested waters on a wooden raft.

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the Amazon...

By now, the kids are probably nearing their saturation point (that’s a euphemism for “whining to beat the band”), so hit one last exhibit on your way out. We opted for Ladder 11, where Charlie and Vivi, disguised in fire helmets, uniforms, and airpacks, slid down the firepole to their waiting firetruck and responded to all sorts of imaginary five-alarm fires throughout the city.

Auditioning for the 2011 Staten Island Fireman Calendar

Make a note of the exhibits for which you didn’t have time today (Portia’s Playhouse, Block Harbor, Sea of Boats, and The Big Game), so that you can visit them the next time you come.

Finish the day at R.H. Tugs, a nearby, child-friendly restaurant which is rumored to have been where Madonna’s 1986 “Papa Don’t Preach” video was filmed and serves up standard barfare, along with great views of the tugboats and cargo ships going by.

Staten Island Children’s Museum, 1000 Richmond Terrace, Staten Island, NY (on the grounds of Snug Harbor Cultural Center), (718) 273-2060, www.statenislandkids.org; Hours: Tuesday to Sunday: 12:00 PM to 5:00 PM (when New York City public schools are open); 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM (when New York City public schools are closed); Admission: $6 for people one year and older; Grandparents are free on Wednesdays.

R.H. Tugs Restaurant and Bar, 1115 Richmond Terrace, Staten Island, NY, (718) 447-6369, www.rhtugs.com.

Barefoot in Washington Square Park

Uh-oh. Apparently, I had not done sufficient due diligence before embarking on our visit to Washington Square Park, because when we approached the southwest corner, instead of seeing this:

…we discovered that the entire southern perimeter and northeastern side were fenced off due to capital improvements not scheduled to be completed until the Fall of 2010.

Where was the famed arch modeled after the Arc de Triomphe in Paris? The Central Fountain where Robert Redford cavorted drunkenly in the 1967 movie, Barefoot in the Park? The kooky street performers and focused chess players?

Fortunately, when we finally made our way into the park, we were relieved to find that most of the above were still intact. We camped out temporarily at a small, shady playground on the northern side of the park better-suited to the three and under set than to older children before taking advantage of the famed fountain.

The playground that Charlie aptly described as "a little too little kiddish"

Although we were probably a little too early for the park’s prime people watching, I am happy to report that the magnificent Washington Arch was not swathed under layers of construction.

Books

• Bein’ With You This Way by Michael Bryant
• The Park Book by Charlotte Zolotow, H.A. Rey(Illustrator) (I had a hard time finding this, but it was worth the hunt. This delightful book from the 1940’s chronicles a day in the life of Washington Square Park)

Washington Square Park, Washington Square, bounded by Waverly Place, West 4^th Street, University Place and MacDougal Street; Open daily, sunrise to 1:00 AM; *Free* http://nycgovparks.org/parks/washingtonsquarepark